


Coffee and First Kisses

by gardenofmaris



Category: Original Work
Genre: Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Coffee Shops, First Kiss, POV First Person, Picnics
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-07
Updated: 2015-04-07
Packaged: 2018-03-21 19:45:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,299
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3703341
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gardenofmaris/pseuds/gardenofmaris
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A story about a person on their first date in a coffee shop</p>
            </blockquote>





	Coffee and First Kisses

I looked down at the coffee mug in my hand, eyes instinctually avoiding eye contact with the man across from me. My face felt like it was on fire and every time I opened my mouth to say something my vocal chords failed and my head dropped a little lower. Anxiety started creeping in on me and I started to over analyze everything, wondering how pathetic I must look and how annoyed poor Matthew must be. After all, I had been the one to ask him out and now I wasn’t even starting a conversation. It must have all been terribly awkward for him.

Eventually, the embarrassment overtook me and I heard myself start to talk without permission from my brain. I didn’t dare make eye contact with him now, I was so mortified. “Look, I’m, um, r-really sorry. I just… I don’t know, I just don’t know how to really do this dating thing, I mean it took me weeks for me to be able to even speak to you let alone ask you out,” (and of course I had to go and dig my hole even deeper), “and you’re just really attractive and I don’t know what I could possibly say.” I could feel my chest seize up and my eyes start to water. I was certain that he would get up and leave because my reaction was too strong for a first date when a soft and impossibly warm hand gently touched my chin and prodded my head to move up.

My eyes would have been content to stay downcast when that same hand stroked my cheek gently and I heard a soft, “Is this okay with you?”

I made eye contact out of pure shock and my breath caught at the affection I saw in his eyes. “Y-yeah, this is okay.”

He smiled at me and I couldn’t help but smile back, blood rising in my face again (although thankfully not from anxiety this time). My chest still felt tight and the contents of my stomach were still breakdancing in their tissue prison and he must have noticed, because the next thing I knew he was telling me to breathe in and out slowly. “In, hold, out. In, hold, out.” His voice made their silky way through my ears and curled up around my brain, telling it to call back the adrenaline that was wreaking havoc on me. The shaking I hadn’t even noticed subsided and I took one more deep breath and relaxed as much as possible.

“Better?” He gently pulled one of my hands off of the coffee cup and let his other hand come down from my face so that they could both cup my hand. I breathed a soft sigh of relief as his hands slowly rubbed out the pain from my fingers where they had unconsciously clutched the mug too tight.

Remember his question, I nodded sheepishly. “I’m sorry, I babble a lot. I’ll understand if you want to end the date early.”

Matthew smiled tenderly at me and got up, holding his hand out towards me. “Come on. Let’s go somewhere else.”

~~~

He drove up to a tiny little park at the edge of town and got out, grabbing the picnic blanket he had bought from a store on the way. We walked for a short amount of time before stopping at a clearing. Matthew spread the blanket on the ground and when I sat down he scooted closer while still giving me enough space to breathe comfortably.

For the whole ride I hadn’t known what to do or say and Matthew hadn’t pushed, instead turning on the radio and singing off key to every song he knew. Now that we were here, I felt obligated to say something. I had just opened my mouth when Matthew put his finger over my lips. “It’s okay. You don’t have to say anything. Let me talk.”

He did talk. For a little bit, he was the only one saying something. He told me stories about his childhood and school, things that we hadn't much discussed before. His voice was soothing and the tension in my muscles unravelled, letting me lay back to watch the sky and listen. I felt his body settle next to mine and I laid my head on his chest. The slow calm beating of his heart worked its magic on me and I felt our pulses synchronize as his mellow voice wrapped me in a cocoon of safety.

I eventually joined his one sided conversation, asking questions and slowly talking more. Soon we were discussing animatedly, trading stories and talking about our interests. His hands found their way to my hair and I would have purred if I could. Instead, I shivered happily in response to the tingles it sent down my spine and pushed my head into the touch to encourage him. I admitted to him how as a baby I could never sleep until my mother had pet my hair and rubbed my back and I felt one of his hands trail down to my back to rub circles. In response, my fingers wandered across his chest, idly drawing patterns as if he was the sun soaked beach sand on a hot summer day.

We talked for hours, only moving when we noticed that the sky was starting to soak up sunset hues like the world's biggest sponge. I helped him fold the blanket and we walked to my car hand in hand, chatting the whole way.

~~~

It almost felt like a tragedy when I pulled up to his house to drop him off. He smiled at me when I shifted the gear to 'park,' leaning in close. "I had a wonderful time today. We should do this again. My treat."

I nodded enthusiastically. "I'd love that."

His smile widened and he leaned in closer. "Great. I'll text you to work out the details. Right now though, I really want to kiss you."

I smiled back brightly, leaning in to kiss him.

His kiss tasted faintly of the cinnamon roll he had bought at the cafe and of another deeper muskier taste that went straight to my head and made my brains swirl around enthusiastically. I could have kissed him forever, reveling in the sparks running down my spine and the way my body melted into his soft warm chest, but we had to part.

Matthew must have noticed my fumbles during our kiss because when he pulled away, he looked curiously at me. "Have you ever kissed anyone before me?"

I blushed brightly and shook my head and he looked slightly sad but thank God, I knew it wasn't pity.

"People don't stay to help your anxiety, do they?"

I shrugged. "Some have, but they generally make it worse. Those who did make it better just weren't interested, I guess. And I mean, it's not like I've gone out a lot. I can count on one hands the amount of dates I've gone on. I wasn't interested in dating until I was a sophomore and when I graduated high school last year I decided to try and help myself a little bit. You're my first date in almost a year."

Matthew looked shocked but nodded slowly. I plowed on, suddenly more confident. "Anyways, I never got kissed on my dates until you, and I really liked it. Do you think I could get another one before you go?"

His demeanor changed to pleased and he smiled, leaning in once more.

~~~

I drove to my apartment that night with a fluttering in my chest that had nothing to do with an overanalyzing mind or a coming panic attack. Things weren't perfect and I wasn't magically all better, but for once the unknown wasn't so terrifying.

 

**Author's Note:**

> So I'm a little bit nervous about posting this considering the topic that it is on. I know that a few cuddles and a picnic won't solve anxiety, and that's really not what I'm trying to convey. Regardless, I hope you enjoy this.


End file.
